Family Hurts

EJKatz

(I want to thank Cheri Allen for the beautiful artwork for this story. All I can say is WOW!

And thanks to Cheri Tripp for the suggestion of an illo)

 

Blair entered the apartment to find it still in pitch blackness.  Certain his roommate had told him that morning that he intended to be home early enough to have dinner ready, he immediately felt worried.

 

“Jim?”  He called softly, knowing that Ellison would hear him even with a whisper.  “You home?”

 

He pushed further into the loft until he reached the lamp on the side table.  He flipped it on, grateful for the softer light that it provided.  There was no sign of his partner except for the black leather jacket that he had been wearing that morning.  His concern mounted as he headed up the stairs to Jim’s bedroom. There was no one there.

 

With a sigh, he headed back downstairs and picked his pack up from where he had dropped it.  He closed the loft door and moved towards his room.  He pushed the French doors to his room open further and was surprised to find his roommate curled up on his bed, sound asleep.

 

He gently put the pack on the floor and stepped closer, lowering himself to sit next to the larger man.  He didn’t need sentinel sight to see the drying tracks of tears, which had obviously fallen recently.  The ragged breathing told him that Jim had only just fallen asleep but it told nothing about why he now slept on Blair’s bed.

 

Reaching out, Blair touched his friend lightly on the shoulder.  “Jim.”  The words were only a whisper.

 

The man on the bed moaned softly, rolling into the slight touch.  “Chief?”  Was the quiet response.

 

“Hey, man. What are you doing in here?  Is everything okay?”  Blair’s fingers gripped Jim shoulders just a little tighter as the older man sat up, wiping his face on the back of his sleeve.  He looked around, a little embarassed to have been caught in Blair’s room.

 

“I’m sorry, Chief.  I’ll leave.  I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

 

“Don’t give me that, Jim.  Come on, I thought we were friends, and friends tell each other when something is wrong.  What happened?”  The words carried force and yet were still spoken in that soft tone that Jim fondly referred to as Blair’s guide voice.  The voice he couldn’t help but respond to.  Silently he held out a letter to Blair.

 

Blair stared at it for a moment before accepting it.  He unfolded the piece of paper and read the words.

 

“Oh, Jim. I’m so sorry.”

 

“He didn’t even have the nerve to come and tell me himself.  I thought we were getting along better.  He didn’t even have the decency to call me to tell me that Sally had died.  He had to send a stupid letter.”  The single tear that escaped down his cheek negated the anger in Jim’s voice.  Blair reached out and wiped it away tenderly.  His heart ached for his friend.  He knew that Sally was the only person who had made Jim’s life a little easier growing up and that her death would be a great loss for Jim.

 

He moved closer and put his arm around the other man.  “That doesn’t explain why you chose my room as a sanctuary.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind at all.  Just call me curious.”

 

“I just felt I needed to be close to you.  Everyone I have ever cared for is gone…except you.”  Again the wave of grief shook the big man.  Blair could tell he was fighting his feelings again, trying to suppress the pain that rocked his very soul.  “Don’t leave me, Chief.  I couldn’t handle that if you left me.”

 

“Oh, Jim.”  Understanding struck the young anthropologist who wrapped his arms tighter around the sentinel.  The gentle soothing embrace, both in words whispered to him and in the physical strength in Blair’s arms, was too much for the already shaky hold Jim had on his control.  The tears began again in earnest, the shaking stronger, more pronounced.  He leaned into the embrace letting the waves of intense emotion flow over him, counting on his guide to keep from falling into the black pit of despair that opened before him.

 

Blair’s heart broke at the sight of the strong man reduced to this emotionally battered child.  He knew much of Ellison’s past and it helped him to understand the intensity of the man’s now stricken state.  He smiled at the thought that this tough macho cop had turned to him for comfort.  That he had allowed Blair to see this side of him, this part of his personality that no one else knew existed.

 

Rather than this knowledge making Blair feel powerful it humbled him with the trust Jim showed.  He was aware, even if Jim wasn’t, that much of the time he was only guessing at the answers but his own deep friendship with the sentinel kept him at his side, kept him searching for those solutions.  Blair was where he wanted to be and Jim had been there for him so many times he had lost count but, if now was his turn to be there for Jim, he would be.  He needed to be here.

 

“Jim, listen to me okay?  I am here. I am not going anywhere okay?  I promise.  Your dad, well I can’t even begin to tell you how his actions make me feel but I promise I will never leave you.  Not by my choice anyway and I know that no matter what happens, you will be there for me, right?”

 

A faint nod on his shoulder was the only answer.  He leaned back against the wall, pulling Jim with him.  The bigger man moved easily, not wanting to lose contact with his anchor.

 

When they were both comfortably settled, Blair began speaking again.  Just small talk and remembered thoughts.  He spoke inanely about his day at school, little things really but it was the sound of his voice was all that was needed right now.  He felt as Jim relaxed against him, his head resting on Blair’s shoulder.  The shudders vanished and Jim’s breathing evened out and Blair realized that Ellison was asleep again.  His tightened his arms around his best friend before leaning his head back against the wall and closed his eyes.

 

“I am here, Jim.  Where I want to be, where I should be.  My brother, my life too.  I love you, man.”

 

The words were lost in the darkness but he felt the warmth of Jim’s embrace tighten in response.

The End

 

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